i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
