There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
