this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
