Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
