when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
