If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
