does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
foreskin is a definite game changer
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
