i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
