Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
