maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
