i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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