I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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