Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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