I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
