Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
