is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
