Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize