if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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