when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
