just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
