I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
