i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
