Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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