take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
