if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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