i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize