they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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