I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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