and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
