he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
