Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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