I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
