Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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