i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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