omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
