Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
