So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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