Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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