yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
