Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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