You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
