I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
