So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
