we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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