oh god the rape fog is back!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
