I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
