just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize