As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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