My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
someone owes me an orgasm
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize