I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
