jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
