I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
