I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
