I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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