What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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