You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
