I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You made out with two different species that night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
