I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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