I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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