just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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