Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
