Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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