I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
