sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
